every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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