those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
