I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
