I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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