Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
why do cheetos always look like penises
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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