the condom got lost in my hair
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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