I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
