I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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