My Higher Power is John Stamos
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I am available for nakedness
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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