So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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