Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
