So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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