you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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