Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
