They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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