he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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