I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
