i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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