It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
