You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
