Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
