so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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