why didn't you poke me back
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
