I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I wish there were birth control emojis
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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