I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
