I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
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