and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
