dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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