What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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