My first STD was from a foam party
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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