The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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