My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
