Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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