you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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