I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
