i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Did you just see the Batmobile???
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
