i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
