Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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