Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
