I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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