ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
