the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
