seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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