Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
