Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
