Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
