Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
