In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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