Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
