I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
