I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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