there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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