I wish my penis had an off switch
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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