The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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