i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
