So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
