So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
