I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
