dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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