Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
