How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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