Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Couch. On fire.
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