Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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