I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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