Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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