You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
