My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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