Well douche your snatch and let's go!
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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