I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize