Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
i now understand why vodka
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
