As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
