Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
